For many families, the return to school is meant to bring structure, friendships and a sense of normality. But for a growing number of young people across Australia, going back to school feels overwhelming. Instead of excitement, it can bring anxiety, shutdowns, tears at the school gate, or a quiet refusal that’s hard to put into words. If this is happening in your home, you’re not doing anything wrong, and you’re not alone.
At Raise, we work with young people every day who are struggling with the return to school. We see parents who are doing their very best while feeling worried, exhausted and unsure of what to do next. When a young person pulls away from school, it’s rarely about being lazy or defiant. Much more often, it’s a sign that something doesn’t feel safe, manageable or supportive for them right now.
Below are five practical, compassionate ways to support your teen, and a reminder that you don’t have to carry this on your own.
School engagement is declining across Australia.
Attendance for Years 1–10 has dropped from 92.4% in 2017 to 88.3% in 2024, with more than half of government secondary students missing the equivalent of a month of school each year (Productivity Commission, 2025; ACARA, n.d.). Tens of thousands of young people are attending infrequently, or not at all.
For many teens, this shows up as school refusal, sometimes called Emotionally Based School Avoidance or “school can’t”. This isn’t about choosing not to go to school. It’s about being emotionally unable to attend due to distress. Anxiety, panic, physical symptoms, shutdowns and overwhelm are common signs.
When parents are told to “just make them go”, it can increase pressure on everyone. Support, not punishment, is what helps young people find their way back.
- Start with listening (not fixing)
When your teen says they don’t want to go to school, it’s natural to want to solve the problem quickly. But one of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen.
You might try:
- “Can you help me understand what school feels like for you right now?”
- “What part of the day feels hardest?”
Listening without interrupting, minimising or jumping to solutions helps your teen feel safe enough to open up. Feeling heard is often the first step toward feeling supported.
- Validate their experience
You don’t have to agree with school avoidance to acknowledge that your teen’s feelings are real.
Validation can sound like:
- “That sounds really exhausting.”
- “I can see why that would make you anxious.”
Many young people say adults don’t understand how stressful and draining school can feel. Feeling dismissed often adds another layer of distress. Validation doesn’t make things worse—it helps calm the nervous system and builds trust.
- Look beneath the behaviour
Avoidance is communication. Instead of focusing only on attendance, try gently exploring what your teen might be protecting themselves from.
This could include:
- bullying or social conflict
- fear of failing or falling behind
- sensory overload
- pressure to perform
- feeling different due to neurodiversity or disability
- not feeling safe or accepted
Understanding the why allows you to respond with compassion rather than conflict, and to seek the right kind of help.
- Work with the school where possible
You don’t need to have all the answers before speaking with the school. Early conversations can open the door to flexibility and support.
You might ask about:
- gradual or flexible return plans
- reduced timetables or later start times
- a trusted staff member your teen can check in with
- safe or quiet spaces during the day
- learning or sensory adjustments
- clear plans to address bullying
When teens see the adults around them working together, school can feel less like a battle they’re facing alone.
- Add another trusted adult to their support team
Sometimes, even with loving and attentive parents, teenagers need someone outside the family to talk to. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re paying attention to what your teen needs.
Having another adult in their corner can make a powerful difference.
At Raise, our Raise Digital mentoring program connects young people aged 13-16 with a trained, trusted mentor who shows up for them every week. Mentors provide:
- a safe, non-judgemental space to talk
- consistent weekly connection
- an adult who listens without lecturing or fixing
- support to build confidence, coping skills and self-belief
For many young people, mentoring becomes a steady anchor during a time that feels uncertain or overwhelming. For parents, it can be a relief to know your teen has another caring adult who sees them, believes in them and is walking alongside them.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Supporting a teenager who is worried about returning to school can feel isolating. Many parents quietly wonder if they’re missing something or letting their child down.
You’re not.
If your young person could benefit from extra support, Raise Digital may be able to help. Our mentors don’t replace parents or schools, they complement them, providing connection and consistency when it’s needed most.
If you feel your teen would benefit from having a trained, trusted adult in their corner, enrol them in Raise Digital today.
Together, we can help young people feel heard, supported and less alone—at school and beyond.
References
- Productivity Commission (2025)
- Australian Curriculum, Assessment and Reporting Authority (ACARA), n.d.
- Headspace, n.d.
- Heyne, D., & Brouwer-Borghuis, M. (2022)
- UNESCO, n.d.
- Couper, 2024
- The State of Australia’s Children 2025
